Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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