You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
