??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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