would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
nutella sex= disaster
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
