She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Alive.
So much puke
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
