I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
