My room smells like vodka and shame
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
