Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
