I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Too much gin, very little bucket
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
