We named our party play list daddy issues
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
