For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
