You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
