we have officially lost it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
