Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
