mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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