Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
