I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
