I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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