Whod you bang
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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