and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
