forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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