We won't sleep together?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
