I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
