I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
