it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
