don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize