she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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