It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
