No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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