ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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