Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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