Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
