I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
