a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
