And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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