It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
