i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
