As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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