Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
