just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm like, not good at living.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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