Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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