don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
