ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
