so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
false alarm. still invincible.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
