I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
