I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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