Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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