Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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