Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
