Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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