Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And then he peed in my hair
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