just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You're completely useless in the revolution.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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