That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
