the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So squirting runs in the family.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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