Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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