It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
