I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize