it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
