I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
