This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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