We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
