Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
