i just wanna soil my oats bro
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
