Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
