And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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