She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
