went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
