Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
