Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize