Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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