I love black thongs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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