I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
